The Earwigs of Society

If you haven't read this yet, you should read "The Nits of Society" below first.

In continuation with the insectoid analogy, I bring you to the next in my vaguely diverting adventures of the dreaded cold caller. While nits are annoying when they get into your hair, and difficult to remove short of washing your hair in this really smelly liquid, they are a mere inconvenience. They at least have the good nature to stay on the surface of your body.

Now as I said before, this is a problem we all may have encountered, the aim here is not to shock but to analyse and for the unsuspecting mind to learn. And I promise this one is shorter.

So allow me to introduce the next. I was on a day off (actually I was out of work for a month) when I heard a knock at the door while in the middle of watching a film. I can't remember why, but for some reason I was delayed in answering the door. By the time I got to the door he was about to leave, but he came back, seeing me open it.

He was a well dressed fellow in a suit, about my own age (mid twenties) and carrying a folder in his hand. He did the usual - ask if I had a brief moment to listen to a possible opportunity. A trick question, as we learned from the last one, the unsuspecting mind will probably have a brief moment.

At this point I asked him what was it about. All he would tell me was that this was an offer and that he could either spend twenty minutes on the doorstep explaining it or I could let him show me in just two minutes, sat in front of the table.

Now at this point let me explain that I'm not just some guy who lets just anyone into my house because I'm hoping of an exciting new offer. Of course I saw through his logic that it could take 20 mins on a doorstep or 2 on a table. But we'll revisit that later. I was more interested in how he would pitch it to me so I let him in. Still probably against my better judgement, he could have been a peamh trying to check out the contents & layout of my house, albeit a well-dressed and well-spoken one.

Anyway, while he showed me through his folder full of details about this great offer, he refused to use the word "Insurance" to describe it (though he did ask if I had Bupa or VHI, which I did), but that's basically what it was - incapacitation insurance - if you find yourself out of work due to injury, you get cash settlements from them.

Now first allow me cite my distrust of insurance companies. I refuse to get insurance unless I have to (car insurance is a legal requirement, as for health insurance, I got it free from my company paid up to the end of 2005). There are the following reasons:

1) In my experience, and in the experience of people I've talked to, excepting car insurance where they have to, it is extremely difficult to get insurance companies to pay out. They sign you up with great promises about how they will save you in case of a little mishap, but when it comes down to it, they say, "No that was just a little mishap, now smeg off." It's supposed to cover accidents, but if it was an accident it was probably your fault is the way they see it. Ever try to get mobile phone insurance to pay up after you lost it or dropped it in water or something? It's impossible.
They don't help with life's little mishaps. You practically have to have been beaten unconscious by armed mobile-phone-robbing lahtchies trained in multiple forms of martial arts, and left unconscious bleeding to death, have an authenticated video recording of the attacks, and then make a report to the guards before you wake up before they'll even stop laughing at you for being so stupid as to buy their insurance.

2) Insurance is a form of gambling. You are betting that you'll have an accident that will keep you out of work, and the odds are stocked against you, otherwise this fellow wouldn't be working for a company that was actually in business.

This fellow hadn't much of a hope of selling this to me. He was good at getting his foot in the door, but that's as far as he got. I don't know if it was his poor technique or just his crappy product, but at the end, he asked is that something I would be interested in, which we learned from the previous post, gave me the opportunity to say, "No thanks". In any case, I'm sure my preconceived prejudices against insurance did much to destroy his case.

But quickly, the lesson we've learned from this is really just:

1) If you don't want to let him in, but he insists that he has to come in to explain it quicker or properly, think about the following
a) It's flawed logic. Anything he can explain sitting down, he can explain at the same speed (though maybe not as thoroughly) standing up.
b) If the product is really that good, a quick 30-second explanation should be enough to let you decide whether you want it.

And remember: Don't make excuses! They know every excuse you can think of and have a stock reply for it. Surely he didn't just think of that one about it taking longer to explain on the doorstep up straight away off the top of his head.